It has been a hot minute since I’ve gotten into a headspace where I can digitally ink my thoughts into words. When reading my journal a few days ago, I started crying. I became hard on my current self. I felt like I disappointed younger Dharni who was writing so profoundly and had massive amounts of courage to live her true life regardless of what the intention was behind it. I felt like I was disappointing a child who chose me to be her role model.

Sharing this experience out loud, A soul sister subtlety reminded me that in 7 years, mindsets change, skin thickens, knowledge expands and ignorance slowly dies. In addition to this, creativity grows and dreams expand. It is called growing up. Knowing that this is all true, I want to start the year by brewing my younger beautiful writing style with my understanding of today. I want to make sense of life thus far in order to make future Dharni so proud. So proud that her younger self set her up for success and not feel the disappoint, I recently did.

When future Dharni reads this, all I want her to feel is that I am doing the best I can for her to grow into the person she was destined to be. Prior, I always wanted to understand my internal, but somehow my external took over. I was fixated on things that die very quickly, looks, what people thought about me, what I have materially and so forth… not today, she deserves better, we all do!

2020.

My intention is to understand my thoughts before acting on them. Make sense of why, where and release. Trust that the universe has a plan for me and being emotionally reactive doesn’t serve anyone especially me.

My intention is to slow it down. Breathe, ask questions when I feel confused and speak up when I feel unheard.

My intention is to trust myself, to be unapologetic and understand that I am the only person that knows what is best for me. Feel it, live it, trust it, and go for it – Keep my word and be reliable.

My intention is to give up some of the A-type Capricorn mentality on situations that aren’t in my control. To set boundaries that feel safe to me and accept that life is this unorthodox mess where it isn’t mine to clean but to see the beauty in it.

My intention is to talk to myself as I would to my future child. Speak to them with kind words, tell them to trust themselves, live their true life, not to feel scared. Question everything, analyze (Do not overthink) decide and commit. Make mistakes and don’t be too harsh on yourself. Find your learnings quickly and move on. Assure them that it is okay to get rejected, it is one step closer to feeling the mental security.

My intention is to be kind to everyone that I come across. Get to know who they are and what their life is about. What they feel and how I can be of service to them. We all could do with some kindness, I know I can.

My intention is to make others feel comfortable in all situations. Having experienced being outcasted due to others insecurities is a horrible feeling. I am going to make a conscious effort that this behavior is not projected by me. Karma is beautiful.

Externally, I am now satisfied. Internally is where I seek truth. If you know, you know.

Don’t look at my structure, See my spirit.